Humour Archive

How many types of people are there in the world?

2007-08-16T20:45:00.000+10:00

There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count; and those who can't.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who know binary; and those who don't.

I always wanted to msg Today Today on triplej and suggest for their 'Two Types of People' segment: Two Types f People: Those who ring up the radio; and those who don't. Ahhahahaaha. How witty I was. Humph.

Anyway, this 'type' of joke has got me thinking about something my dad used to say. And what he used to say was that there is only a finite number of jokes in existence (I think he said five), and that any joke anyone ever invented would always fit into one of these categories. It's a strange thought. A finite number of types of jokes. I don't know what the categories are, but has anyone else ever heard of such a theory? Or do you have any suggestions for categories?

The memory is such a distant one. Perhaps my dad was making a joke in proposing such a theory, and I was just too young to 'get it'...

Yakety Sax

2007-01-07T23:34:00.000+11:00

Thanx Gnome for posing the question 'Why?'.

That is, 'Why can you play Yakety Sax* to any footage and almost instantaneously create humour?'.

Why indeed?

*Apologies for the lameness of linking to Wiki - far overused (yet highly addictive, and oft useful)

The end...?

2007-01-04T11:16:00.000+11:00

Well, the reason I started this blog was to help me start writing my thesis. I have found, since thesis writing has drawn to a close, so has my urge to blog. I think this means: here endeth the Humour Archive. Thanks to those of you who have bothered to read it, especially to those who have contributed to discussion of various topics in the comments.

I s'pose I'll finish off this farewell my letting you know how I went this honours and where I'm headed to next. My thesis, after some contention between the two examiners, was given 76. This, averaged with my course work marks just boosted me over the line into H1 with a final score of 81. Hoorah!

Now I'm headed off into the big bad 'real world' of linguistic research. I will possibly be found in rural Australia studying and documenting Aboriginal Languages. Or I could end up living in Indonesia for a while...

I will leave this site up, at least for a while, so if anyone is interested in future humour(/other) discussions, or keeping in touch, or what I am up to, please comment below.

In the words of my good friend AJ:

Ciao for Niao.

Funny humour finding...

2006-11-28T14:52:00.000+11:00

Have been reading McGee's 1979 "Humor: Its Origin and Development" (Monash Uni Co-op $4 - can't go wrong!) and came across this gem of information:

"females rated cartoons funnier when heard through the left ear, whereas males rated them funnier when heard through the right ear" (p. 218)

People who live in glass houses prohibited from throwing stones...

2006-11-05T14:42:00.000+11:00

"Yes, it is true. The Glass House won't be returning next year. It's been a great 6 years and we've loved every minute of it.

While we are sorry to say goodbye, we are proud to go out with high ratings and your fantastic support!

- The Glass House Team"

In today's uninformed and apathetic atmosphere, it's hard to spot irony, hard to read between the lines - well, perhaps not hard, but noone seems to do it. But think about this: why would the Aunty axe such a high rating favorite? Most comments on the Glass House guest book regard the unexpected axing as a free speech issue. I tend to agree.

Humour is a powerful and often subversive phenomenon. Authority figures of oppressive regimes have often tried to silence it and with it, the voices of the people. But it cannot be done. And with your help, the axing of the Glass House cannot be done either.

Online, you can SAVE THE GLASS HOUSE (petition), SAVE THE GLASS HOUSE (myspace), or SAVE THE GLASS HOUSE (livejournal).

Grab your snail mail kit and write to the ABC:
"Save the Glass House"
ABC TV
GPO Box 4119
Sydney NSW 2001.
Go on, it's only 50cents!

Whatever you do, don't do nothing.

TDK does amazing things to my sister

2006-11-02T18:05:00.000+11:00

Welcome to the humour archive - place that answers all those questions that you've never dared ask.

Have you ever wondered....
Who was that cross-eyed bear Alanis get so worked up about, anyway?
What possessed Robert Palmer to go surfing in the sisterphone?
Why was Billy Corgon ready to cage?
And how does he know today is the greatest day available?
Where are the special things in sodomy that Five for Fighting's Superman is looking for?
How come Macy Gray wears goggles when you're no there?
Don't Aqua know that Barbie isn't a wee-wee doll ("Come on body lets go potty")?

The above misheard lyrics seem somewhat related to the 'secret yet' - "a short phrase or riddle involving a pun, in which the punning word has been replaced by a synonym" - people often forget a joke and tell it badly by stuffing up the punchline; for example:

Make like a banana and leave

(this is two secret yets in one: it is trees that leave, bananas just split).

Secret yets seem to me a bit like malapropisms; but to some, the comparison may seem odorous!

To finish off, I'll leave you with one of my dad's favorists (warning: if you're allergic to the C-bomb, contents may offend):

There's this guy in a bar having a few drinks.
Another man walking in and says "Tickle your arse with a feather."
The first guy, confused, goes: "What?"
Second guy says: "Particularly nasty weather."
First guy: "Oh, right." He nods and keeps drinking.

Upon arriving home (by this stage he is a little sloshed), he has the following conversation with his wife:
"Shove this feather up your arse!"
"What?"
"Oh, cunt of a day!"

Happy International Funk Day

2006-10-18T14:49:00.000+10:00

ok ok ok. I know I should be studying, and infact, I am - right now I'm sitting in front of my gradually expanding culture section - the final section of my thesis (not including intro and conclusion). But I'm giving myself a li'l study break to bring to your attention that today is

International Funk Day!!!!

Or atleast, it should be, if someone had written the article. As I am at present in the middle of thesising, I am unnable to oblige, but I call upon some funkily creative and talented so-and-so (possibly TimT or mayhap one of the Brothers Sterne may be interested?) to complete the entry in my stead. [Thanks to Tim and Tim for rising to the challenge - I have linked the above accordingly]

To celebrate International Funk Day I've added some new links: you can check out and chuckle at the Uncyclopedia, Homestar Runner (Strong Bad emails are especially good, but if you haven't already heard of Homestar, check out the whole site) or Perry Bible Fellowship (my goodness some of these are SO wrong!).

2006-10-09T15:07:00.000+10:00

The Prescriptive Linguist

A friend sent me a link to this, and being the linguistic humour scholar that I am, seeking out humour in all it's forms, I thought I'd share it with you all.

It addresses the struggle many linguists have between prescriptivism and descriptivism. No matter how much I claim to be a descriptive linguist, I still cringe when something is 'brought from the shop', while something else is 'bought along to a party'.

For all intensive purposes, this post is just an unequivocable excuse to make one after so long, irregardless of my thinly veiled attempt to make it supposably more humorously meaningful.

Coming soon

2006-09-25T23:31:00.000+10:00

This is just a brief heads up to THE VAD - What is THE VAD? You'll find out soon, stay tuned and keep checking the site.

Yes, this is not wholly unrelated to humour, it just seems that way because the site's not fully up and running yet.

In the interim, I'll tell you a joke:

What do you do when you see a space man?
Park in it, dude!

Kibology

2006-09-14T22:40:00.000+10:00

Thanks to Russ for his comment on the previous post, I have added this new parody religion to the 'Links' section. It contains some quite bizzar humour.

Particularly interesting, I find, is that '[t]he faux religion aspect faded ... and the newsgroup became oriented to the sense of humor of Kibo and his followers' (thanks Wiki). I find it interesting that sense of humour is the defining element here.

I wonder if this is because all 'faux religions' are based on humour, or is this saying something more about charismatic people and their followers? Perhaps even Jesus' sense of humour is what kept him on the radar back in the day?

On second thought, other religious figure heads such as the Pope and Osama Bin Laden aren't exactly a laugh a minute. But then there's Father Bob, so I guess it all evens out....

Verbal vs Referential Humour

2006-09-06T17:50:00.000+10:00

I include here for your consumption my recent (and slightly revised) 'PS' to a linguist friend:

PS. One of the main things that all/most humour theories seem to agree on is that there are two types of humour: 'Verbal' (humorous because of the language used) and 'Referential' (humorous because of the content) (there can also be humour which has both verbal and humorous aspects). This is particularly relevant to a cross linguistic study as some theorists suggest that the only way to distinguish between verbal and referential is to see whether the humour ('funniness') withstands translation (for instance puns, which are very language specific, rarely withstand translation; but a man slipping on a banana peel is considered universally hilarious).

Linguistic Geek (Word Nerd)

2006-08-24T23:20:00.000+10:00

Blossoming into full 'blognerdiness', I have recently, with some friends, embarked on a Quest. It was on this quest that I found this gem of an article at Sterne talking about Computer Nerds and Naughty Words. It is so well written that it made me laugh, but the actual content is quite disturbing, especially given the links between arousal and violence.

So why am I posting this on a 'Humour Archive'? I'm interested to know:

- Why is the image of 'deviant dweebs' is amusing?
- Would we be amusing if jocks were making similar threats?
- Is it simply to format of the particular article that makes it funny?
- How is it that we can be amused and yet sickened, as Jon seems to be, at the same time?
- Is it the fact that we are sickened that makes us amused and promts us to create humour?

Thank you Libra!

2006-08-22T23:04:00.000+10:00

are you suffering from......um......that thing.......you know...............? Hang on, I'll see if I can look it up. Ah, here we are:

lethologica

That's the one.

Thanks Libra Ultrathins for interesting fact #95. I really, um......................what's the word?.......appreciated it.

This is a rather apt word in describing its meaning. Rather like the onomatopoeia-appropriateness of Palilalia in the post below, only the onomatopoeia is missing, or at least only there in the abstract.

(forgive my lame excuse for a post...just had to get something down)

The Subconscious, and the strange things that lurk therein

2006-08-14T16:50:00.000+10:00

At the moment, I am reading Freud's The Joke and Its Relation to the Unconscious. Funnily enough (just HILARIOUSLY, in fact), this post has almost nothing to do with Freud, save the fact that a memory just trickled down through the recesses of my brain and oozed into my conscious.

So, being in a high state of procrastination, I thought I'd blog about it.

Here's the memory (hope it comes across as at least mildly amusing; when I first experienced it I think it kept me chuckling for several days [this is perhaps an indication of hos sad I really am...]):

Our cleaning lady's daughter had come over, with her mother, to our house.
While her mother was cleaning, she sat, staring determinedly at a printed A4 piece of paper.
I went about my business, not really noticing what she was reading.
She remained sitting. Staring. Almost frowning at the paper.
Hours passed.
She still had not moved.
The frown remained.
Same sheet of paper - one sided A4 sheet.
She continued in this manner for almost of three hours.
Motionless.
Silent.
Finally, I glanced at the title of the paper she was reading.
It read: "Excellent Jokes"

Not laughing? Hey, just because I study humour, doesn't mean I'm funny! :S

Nonsequitur

2006-08-14T15:19:00.000+10:00

The meaning of the above can be found in the comments of TimT's 'nonsequitur' post over at willtypeforfood. I was so entertained by his description of character #4 (of the same name), that I have linked it here for your enjoyment/perusal/brain-hurtiness.

Thanks TimT!

This is nonsense humour at its finest. It reminds me of the childhood stanza:

"Ladies and Gentlemen [sometime pronounced 'Jellybubbles' or 'Jellybeans'],
I come before you to stand behind you,
to tell you something I know nothing about.
On Monday which is Good Friday,
there will be a mothers' meeting for fathers only.
Admission is free,
pay at the door;
Bring your own seats
and sit on the floor"

There's another one about going downstairs to clean the attic, but it escapes me at present.

Palilalilalilalia

2006-08-05T16:52:00.000+10:00

When one is studying...one comes across some mildly amusing distractions.

Today I learned, while looking up 'Pallava' in my linguistics dictionaries (which wasn't in either of them; it's a type of script) and I came across the appropriately named:

Palilalia - "Speech disorder described as the involuntary repetition of words or larger units".

Perhaps one's brain is receptive to these things at certain times....I'm not so sure it's funny, now that I've spent time typing this up.

This word reminds me of 'echolalia', which, apart from the title of a Something for Kate album, also means "mechanical repetition of the words just uttered by another speaker, when symptomatic of a speech or other mental disorder".

Enoughough ofofof me and me and my linginguistic nerderdinessess.

The Cherished Fart Joke

2006-07-27T11:49:00.000+10:00

This post is inspired by an email I received form by beloved AJ, the image of which I include here:
You find me asking the question 'Why?'.

Why do we find farts so funny? Are they funny because everybody does them? Are they funnier when committed by someone famous or held in high esteem, a respected member of the community?

This is not restricted to an 'uptight' British attitude. When wayang kulit (Javanese shadow puppets) stories are told, the puppeteer creates humour by making prince Arjuna fart.

It seems finding humour in the bodily functions of our royals is not restricted to one culture. Is this something that all people can share? Laughter across cultures at our 'superiors'?

A crude action coming from a refined person - is it the incongruity that makes us laugh? - That something just doesn't fit with our expectations of the world? Royals don't fart. Neither do they pick thier noses, or wipe their arses!

Does it bring 'them' down to 'our' level? Is it the recognition that no matter your status in life, we're all biologically the same?

Surrealist or just plain nonsense?

2006-07-24T21:31:00.000+10:00

Irregardless [sic] of whether this is 'surreal' or not, I thought I'd include this (though it could be classed simple as nonsense humour, seeing as everything is grammatical and it doesn't mess with your head quite so much as the previous surreal riddles):

There are two penguins on an ice floe, drifting north into warmer waters. These penguins are very fond of each other, but they don’t speak English very well. Suddenly, with a terrific crack, the ice floe splits in half, right between the penguins. As they begin drifting apart, one penguin sadly waves a flipper and calls out, “Chocolate milk!”
An interesting discussion of how and why people do/don't get this joke

This 'Surreal' Penguin joke (boardering on the unfunny, sorry) was alluded to in the comment discussion of the previous penguin joke. I find it reminiscent of the 'Where's the soap?' joke (except without the R-rated pun hidden in the quishy centre):
There were two penguins in the shower. One asks the other, "Could you hand me the soap?" The second one replies, "No soap, radio."
Maybe there's something about penguins than inspires nonsense...

In other news, some of my recent reading for my thesis - an essay on the humour of Zen Buddhism, would you believe? - has lead me to recall some Alice (which again boarders on surreal/nonsense; and is only paraphrased here):

The dilemma of beheading the Cheshire Cat:
Executioner: "You can't cut off a head unless there is a body to cut it off from"
King: "Anything that has a head can be beheaded"
Queen: "If something isn't done about it in less than no time, I'll have everybody executed!"
(how does this fit in to a discussion of Zen humour? - God only knows!)

At another point in the story, at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party, Alice is offered more tea:
Alice: "I haven't had any tea, how can I have more of nothing?"

Apologies for the paraphrasing but I don't have an Alice book to hand. I urge you to read the original (or listen to it).

Surrealist Riddles

2006-07-21T18:48:00.000+10:00

Or that's what they're called according to G is for Grant (where more riddles of a similar vein can be found).

Here are two with which my Dad used to confuse me many moons ago. Perhaps it was my father's love of Goon Show antics that has warped my sense of humour.

Something in me just urges me on to present to you more chucklesome goodies at which no one but me will laugh:

Q: Why is a mouse when it's spinning?
A: The higher the fewer, but some don't.

Q: What's the difference between a duck?
A: One leg's both the same.

Why do I insist on presenting these jokes to you? Nonsense humour - it's my bag baby.

Meanwhile, for those of you who believe in telekinesis - Raise my hand.

The Ruling Class Say the Darndest Things

2006-07-13T00:35:00.000+10:00

Moi marster, Marster, dassn't understand anything Oi say. Larst woik Oi was mucking out the stables an' Oi says to Marster, "Eee, Marster, dithent ee bampster oi beckon ray deen!" An' 'e says, "wot?", an Oi says, "Dithent ee bampster oi beckon ray deen!" An' 'e says, "Oi dassn't understan' ye." So Oi bampstered 'is beckon ray and the deen is baffin, an' withern sooie bamperstoul am prackser im prathen!

By David Nichols. Big Issue no.233, p.41

While browsing through the Big Issue last year I came across this nonsense gem. Being a linguist, it made me chuckle more than slightly. Upon showing it to my mother and sister, I got very little response. Unperturbed, I went ahead and published it on onlycoolppl - not a sausage. No one seemed to find it as funny as I.

So I put these questions to you:
Is nonsense funny?
Does humour have to have a point?
Even in the above mish-mash of Englishesque silliness, the linguist in me finds some vague point....Is it just language nerds that appreciate this humour? (or is it just me? - AJ, fellow language nerd - you'll be able to offer some insight here!)

WANT TO LEARN HOW TO READ?

2006-07-11T11:54:00.000+10:00

PHONE 123 456

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION

Cartoons as Blasphemy

2006-07-04T14:03:00.000+10:00

In his article, Open Debate: The Righteousness of Blasphemy, Peter Fosl argues the importance of blasphemy as a legitimate form of expression. He comments that 'transgressive cartoons, ridicule, humour, and even swearing' can be used as blasphemic devices.

I am including here links to a couple of cartoons I've found using humour and religion. Whether they are combining these two to be blasphemous....I'll leave it to you, the reader, to decide. Bear in mind, however, that some people have been offended by these cartoons, though there is no intent to offend by my linking them here.

The Second Coming
This cartoon is by Brendan Powell Smith, also the creator of the Brick Testament. This cartoon stars Jesus, God (who looks like a close relative of Mr. Potatohead), Brendan Powell Smith, along with some other characters. I have also linked to this page in the side bar for easier access later.

Jesus and Mo
I found this site a while ago when I was researching Mohammed cartoons (we all remember the scandal when the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten published cartoons of Mohammed [NB. there are images of Mohammed on this link]). I find some of these cartoons funny, some quite crude/borderline offensive. The first cartoon was particularly poignant to the issue at hand.

Are you a Pastafarian or a Legologist?

2006-07-02T14:48:00.000+10:00

My attention has recently been drawn to two humorous takes on religion. Most recently, The Brick Testament (thanks AJ); and to The Flying Spaghetti Monster, (thanks Dean).

The Brick Testament
This is a series of still shots depicting Bible scenes. The pictures are entirely LEGO. According to Wikipedia (a most respected and almost wholey accturate virtual-tome), these pictures have been embraced by the religious believers 'who often use its material for evangelical and instructional purposes' and also non-believers 'who view The Brick Testament as pointing out what they consider to be absurdities in the Bible'. The images are created by Brendan Powell Smith, who, according to wiki, is no longer religious , but is on the website referred to as The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith [sic]. Is this a serious take on religion? Seeing as it's creator is also responsible for the short film 'Vendetta: A Christmas Story', methinks not. The image of Genesis 3:21 caused much amusement between Erica and myself: consider the horse in the background when you read the caption.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster
Many of you have probably alread hear of this, but if you haven't, then surf on over and be touched by his noodly appendage. It is basically a reaction against the pro-Intelligent Design talk that has been floating around government education departments over the last year or so. It was founded in 2005 by a guy called Bobby Henderson (thanks wiki). It not only has a logo, Tshirts, mugs and other parafernalia, as well as artistic imagery, but also it's own Gospel.

double entendre - a (hopefully) highly illustrative and (almost) completely humourless explanation

2006-06-22T00:03:00.000+10:00

I have no idea why a site called "absolute astronomy" would have a 'double entendre' section, but seeing as it explains the joke in my first post in great detail (not to mention my astronomy minor has given me a fondness for the sport [yes, that's right Sport. Astronomy is a sporty as I get!]), I thought I'd paste it here to waylay any confusion:

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT!
'Most double entendres in popular usage are sexual in nature. The following sentence illustrates, "A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave it to her." The sentence could mean either that the barman gave her an example, or that he had sexual intercourse with her.'

I also thought I'd include a somewhat ironic definition found at answers.com which made me chuckle:

'The noun double entendre has one meaning:
Meaning #1: an ambiguity with one interpretation that is indelicate'

If you need an explaination of 'irony' (and no, it doesn't mean 'a bit like iron') you'll have to beg me in the comments section. Or just watch Reality Bites.

Is Religious Humour an oxymoron?: Christianity

2006-06-19T10:20:00.000+10:00

A teacher in a conservative Christian school asks, "What's grey and has a bushy tale and runs up trees?" and the one of the students puts up her hand and says "I know the answer is Jesus but it still sounds like a squirrel to me."

There is a common conception that humour and religion do not mix. Christians are seen as serious. This tradition of associating laughter with sacrilege goes all the way back to the time of St Chrysostom, around 390CE. Laughter was usually associated with the devil.

"This world is not a theatre in which we can laugh; and we are not assembled together in order to burst into peals of laughter, but to weep for our sins...It is not God who gives us the chance to play but the devil"
St John Chrysostom

"Christ never laughed"
St John Chrysostom

But more recently many scholars and anthropologists have looked at humorous aspects of religion. This does not mean that humour is used to undermine religion. There is a growing acknowledgement that faith and humour can coexist. Humour can be found within faith, and faith can be found using humour.

In fact, one author, Conrad Hyers (who has written many books on Christianity and humour) looks at the entire bible through a comic lens: he describes the creation of Eve as the creation of laughter; Sarah's son was called Isaac which means laughter. Hyers sees laughter as a gift from God. Throughout the bible he finds many traditional mechanisms of humor such as incongruence, reversal, collapsing of social order.

"Humor is a prelude to faith and Laughter is the beginning of prayer "
Reinhold Niebuhr, American Theologian

"Laughing at ourselves can help us remember our humanity"
Rev. William H. Joyner, Jr.

Many thanks:
- N.J. Vasantkumar's review in the journal 'Humor' of Conrad Hyers' And God Created Laughter:The Bible as Divine Comedy.
- http://www.thechapelofthecross.org/serms/s03-04/s04feb15.htm

Violatus Maximus

2006-06-18T18:16:00.000+10:00

For the linguists among you, here are some violated Gricean Maxims (also from Eco's Travels in Hyperreality):

(1) Maxim of quantity -
Make your contribution as informative as is required:
'Excuse me, do you have the time?'
'Yes'

(2) Maxim of quality -
(a) Do not say that which you believe to be false:
'My God, I beseech thee, give me some proof of thy nonexistence!'

(b) Do not say that for which you lack adequate evidence:
'I find Maritain's thought unnacceptable and irritating. Thank God I've never read any of his books!'

(3) Maxim of relation -
Be relevant:
'Can you give me a motorboat?'
'Why, you bet your life! I did my military service in Death Valley!'

(4) Maxim of manner -
Avoid obscurity of expression and ambiguitiy. Be brief and avoid unnecessary prolixity. Be orderly:
Mrs Slocombe (from 'Are You Being Served'):It's a wonder I'm here at all, you know. My pussy got soakin' wet. I had to dry it out in front of the fire before I left.

Echos of Eco

2006-06-18T17:51:00.000+10:00

'The comic ... seems bounded by time, society, cultural anthropology'
Umberto Eco, Travells in Hyperreality.

The incongruitiy of the universality of humour

2006-06-18T17:48:00.000+10:00

Humour is universal - exists in all cultures.

Humour is not universal - people from different cultures will laugh at different things; we do not all find the same things funny.

How many anthropologists does is take to make a joke?*

2006-06-18T17:36:00.000+10:00

None, aparently.

Anthropologists have not given humour the same importance as other anthropological study areas such as kinship or marriage. Furthermore, they seem to focus on specific types of humour rather than general humour within a society.

*At the risk of losing all respect (if indeed I had any to start with), I have decided to share with you the title I was going to put on this post: How many anthropologists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, unless the light bulb was engaged or a member of a fraternity, it can go screw itself!

To start the ball rolling

2006-06-18T14:37:00.000+10:00

One of my new favourites:

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.

Though I have never met her, I would like to thank Mel (who commented on jellyfishonline.blogspot.com) for this joke